The Rules To Being a Player…. Part 1

1.       Sensitivity about your phone: Be wary of the bird that is conscious about your phone. She knows when who calls and is always looking out for excuses for it to ring so she can “give” it to you. Not before looking at who is calling. This will trigger sensibilities and make you nervous but what will probably make anyone really nervous will be if you pretend to get into her phone. Have it in your hand when she walks into the room, when she asks you whether she can have it say you are still using it, when she says she wants to make a call give her you phone and tell her to use your phone.

2.       Reference to friends in abstract terms: Anyone who refers to their friends in abstract terms, in generalities, and talks about them in broad strokes is more likely to be lying. This is because people who are close to us are so deeply ingrained in our psyche that often we can’t talk about them generally. When we talk about them, we normally like to set the context and have the story properly understood, so we’ll tell long stories just so the person we are talking about is understood. People who talk in generalities about a lot of people, are not necessarily indifferent, but might actually be withholding information, so you need to be careful what you are saying.

3.       The 10 foot rule: I dated this girl who once said to me while at the cinema, “Spartakuss, you are applying the 10 foot rule!” when I asked what she meant, she said “It’s when you put an abnormal distance [10 feet] between yourself and me whenever we are in public”. I looked at her, standing in the elevator, before it closed me on the outside. I walked the rest of the way downstairs and found her waiting. It’s not being paranoid, but if whenever you are in public with someone and they seem to put inordinate spatial distances between you and them, watch it!

4.       The friends rule: Contrary to what most people say/think, a salacious partner will introduce you to the core network of their friends. This circle will include “the boys”, “my buddies”, the now famous “so-and-so’s girlfriend” and the “I-know-her-from-somewhere”.   The last two are where the demon is. Keep your man’s friends close but his friends’ girlfriends closer. The reverse of this rule is to keep your friends away from whoever you are dating. They can hear about them but there should never be any obligations for the two to be introduced. Why? Because in fact as human beings we are inherently selfish, and a friend of mine once said you’d rather be “wisely selfish” than “selfishly wise”.

5.       Your favourite restaurant: I was once seated at my favourite coffee restaurant, talking with the manager, when through the corner of my eye, she appeared. I hesitated, turned, smiled and beckoned that she should come over and be introduced. As she was coming, the manger looked at me and smiled, he was beginning to form the words around his mouth, “She is the new…”. I quickly said bye, left and met her half way across the restaurant where we sat down. I wasn’t going to stand for that whole “There’s a new one?” talk!! Before you share your space [read favourite restaurant] be sure the waiters, waitresses, and managers at the restaurant are on your side. Always.