Thursday, September 25, 2008

Two Secret Agents:

And as they walk towards each other; each can almost anticipate how this conversation is going to go. Simple. Keep it level headed. After all we are both on foreign turf in New York.


Name: YKM Age: unclear
Codename:M7 Marital status: Cohabiting

Special skills: lying, graft, guerilla talk and warfare

Weaknesses: Democracy & Civil freedoms

Killer Move: CMI disappearing fatality! ['nnuf said]

Service period: First showed interest in 1980 but was DE [wait for it ...] NIED! and so facts place character at 1986 with 27 guns.

Expected further delivery: As resilient as the Kalashnikov, we put it at another360 months.

Name: RM Age: Octogenarian [we think he is older]
Codename:MGB3 Marital status: Cohabiting with his neighbour's wife

Special skills: Xenophobia, British-bashing, power hunger .

Weaknesses: Democracy & Civil freedoms. The Opposition

Finishing Stroke: One hand super grip. (ask the presidency,wont bloody let it go!)

Service period: Unlike agent above recruited to service in 1980. Has religiously thwarted all attempts to recruit younger more versatile agents [read Morgan]; to the extent of violence, even death!

Expected further delivery: Like a rusted Chinese broadsword, not expected to survive in the age of the samurai Katana. So about 200 months.

Said agents were taking a stroll and sat down to talk. surveillance was able to obtain this photo with advanced transcribing, was also able to subtitle the conversation.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Banning Mini - skirts

The most annoying article I have seen in many months. This is more annoying than CB, in fact even a more annoying than the battle with SAGE. But he got it first, take it home slugger

Miniskirt Row Rocks Uganda

by Kent Mensah, AfricaNews Editor in Accra, Ghana

Heated debate erupted in the Eastern African country of Uganda as to whether women should be banned from wearing tight miniskirts in public or otherwise. The country's ethics and integrity minister is spearheading the call because women wearing them distract drivers and cause traffic accidents.

Minister Nsaba Buturo told journalists in the capital Kampala that wearing a miniskirt was like walking naked in the streets, according to a BBC report.

“What's wrong with a miniskirt? You can cause an accident because some of our people are weak mentally. Wearing a miniskirt should be regarded as indecent, which would be punishable under Ugandan law,” he added.

“If you find a naked person you begin to concentrate on the make-up of that person and yet you are driving. These days you hardly know who is a mother from a daughter, they are all naked."

Earlier this year, Kampala's Makerere University decided to impose a dress code for women at the institution. AfricaNews monitored Network Africa on BBC on Thursday morning and most Uganda women opposed the minister’s assertions.

“I wear miniskirts a lot. I am not comfortable in long skirts because I have nice legs. The only thing that makes me comfortable is a miniskirt. I don’t support it (ban), where are we going to put them because we have bought them and those selling it have paid taxes on them too,” young Sylvia stated.

The s
ituation was not different in Ghana when AfricaNews interacted with some young university students for their views on the Uganda issue.

“That’s funny and strange. We are in a civilized world and people’s view and way of dressing should be respected. I think the men should respect themselves enough to control their eyes and feelings. I don’t dress to kill but dress to look good,” Jemima Boateng stated.

But others had more sympathy with minister Buturo. "I think skimpy things are not good. We are keeping the dignity of Africa as ladies and we have to cover ourselves up," one woman, called Sharon, told the BBC.

Screw this shit! We want to see nice legs

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Death. Death. Death.

Am seated next to this beautiful lady. Nina. Slowly, pensively eats her food as she notes down thoughts in a beaten, spent Tower notebook. Intermittently, she looks out the window, and writes. Penning dexterously. Like a seasoned professional. A Spartan warrior. A samurai with a Katana.

I think about my life; the moments, and the monuments. Outside the wind whistles and a slightly overcast sky seems to frown. Miniature palm trees outside dance with glee. It is after all, about to rain. Rain falls.

Rain waters us.

Rain cleanses us.

Rain heals us.

Rain gives life.

But the trees know they will still die. Someday soon, they will die. And we must die.


If we do not die, we don’t allow others to live. If we don’t die we don’t learn the lessons of this lifetime. If we don’t die we forget how to miss people. If we don’t die, we selfishly keep tons of inspiration because after all, people are inspired by your death - not your life.

Dying gives us urgency - the fierce urgency of now!

Dying gives us purpose. ..

Dying gives resolution. Enables resolve. Emboldens the spirit. Clears the mind

And purges our hearts.

In the purity of death, there is no shadow; In its grip no release,

And yet in its release, a gripping peace; and in its shadow still, a deathly purity.

We will live a thousand lives if we have to. We will build this earth and tear it down many times. Because everything that is, has been and will be again. There is nothing new. So wrote the hand.

So yes, let’s hurtle through life, let’s not breathe every moment, because if we don’t get it right in this one, we’ll get it in the next life. For death is merely a door, to bring us to a higher sense of ourselves.

The upgrade.

Teaching those left behind to live on the precipice of life. And those going to carry their to-do list for the next time they come around.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

3G: The Next Level:

Yeah the next level is here!

who needs a bra when you can get a guy to hold them for you?

Joke's on you!

and what about a black man?!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Black Monday

In life you are only allowed to make so many mistakes. Why? Coz life is not a free lunch and you are bound to have your transgressions catch up with your sins.
And when they do, you have a well deserved lashing, CB. It would not have hurt to read up a little more on the people who are in the Ugandan blogsphere. The tales of happy moments, and fears of genocide, and our inextricably tied fates as Kampalans to die of boda-boda accidents. This is the stuff of legend. All the stories the monitor does not write, or any other paper for that matter. Because those who run the papers are so cheap and uptight that they won’t include our opinions. But then again, how are you going to include anything more than rhetoric in a 28 page tabloid style paper?!

Hard Times

I am aware that striking the balance must have been hard for the C-Boyi, and sometimes the ‘intarekcho’ talk will be hard to deal with; but a slap to the UBHH was below the belt. The idea behind the UBHH [see the list] when josh and jackfruity first called for it, was for Ugandan bloggers to get together and talk, about things banal because they said everything ‘intarekcho’ on their blogs. Ask the 27th, he was there, ask Jackfruity or Carlo (even though we spent the evening talking about her sister) or Aivan or Darlene. There must be justice...

Out of the despair a plan is hatched…

We have come from too far, to allow the prevarications and prejudices of an insider gone rogue to bring down the house. Hence my plan. We will hatch a plan and get the one person he cant kill write about and make them hunt him. We will need an Angelina Jolie played by the dashing Cheri, [for lack of anyone with longer legs, does that qualify as sexist?] and Morgan Freeman will be played by old man Baz! Aivan can play the cheating friend and the bitchy ex-girlfriend can be played by…*rubbing chin while looking into the distance saying "I wonder who to cast for this role...Cheri is already in here,aha haa! Carlo, that one of the mysterious stranger!!* Dennis Matanda and Princess will play our criminal analysts and 27th can play the “son” blogger he could never shoot.

Did this guy need some action in his life? Why did we ever allow him into the blogger community? We should have stopped him and banned him at this first sign of trouble.We will give it to him only that in the end of this one everyone else lives and the annoying impudent tweet dies. I, the Spartan will guarantee this with my 9 lives.…

Now he is “Wanted”. Over to you D.