Thursday, April 23, 2009

Limp . Dead . Men


So what really is the truth? Is the male libido really not as charged as we all like to believe (and if that’s the case what’s up with all those guys chasing girls all over the place) Or is it just a small group of guys who have evolved into a “not all about sex specie” I’d really like to know." is the final paragraph of the incurable romantic's ruminative post. For many years she held the view that men were vagina-eating, p***y-hunting beasts. Now in her candid discussions with guys, she finds out it’s not at all as it appears.

Excuse me briefly

THWAAAAAACCCKK!!!

*{Thundering slap delivered to B2B for smirking his lips and having that satiated grin on his face}


After reading the post I got to thinking, is it really true? has the age of the virile man come to its near end? Are we facing extinction as we know it? Has the end of an era finally come? I knew somewhere lurking in the back of my mind that this is what the dinosaurs must have felt when the ice age started.


Don’t get me wrong I believe men should be chivalrous, caring sensitive and tactful in this age and era of diplomacy

, but I also know that the age-old adage "Power recognizes Power" holds truer today than ever. Aggressiveness, brutishness, guile, sheer force, deception and immediate gratification; all classic male values; all more pronounced and as needed today as they were 200 hundred years ago when Europe was in turmoil. [Hail Napoleon!!]


Here is what worried me, a guy am an avid reader of, a guy who in many ways manages to contextualize my own conundrums in his writing said it too. right here:

*

I find that the suggestion or the promise of sex is much more of a turn on to me than the actual act. You might even have inferred that from the way I write about sex.


The thing about bachelor's conundrum or scribbles as he prefers to be called, is he has over the years grown to love the art of flirting. The moment you meet a new possibility. The smile. The chit chat. The thrill of the hunt. You, making the decision to take her number, she hoping to God that you'll call back.

And you, never calling back.


I think the Hollywood/Emancipation movement has gentrified the whole essence of 'the chase'. You know what I’m talking about. The chase. Because there is so much advice out there on the number of ways in which men deceive women and how chivalrous overtones often bear mind-blowing realities [no pun intended] has women on the edge being wary, sarcastic, and jaded. So men find themselves tired of the entire "Proving I am not like other guys" syndrome because in the end, women fall for the same old things...they've just learnt how to be politically correct.


They tell you they are looking for X but they are actually looking for Y:

1. Humor and wit = Dude you're broke but you got looks and are a tad funny.

2. Exposed = Wealthy, rich, traveled.

3. Well read= Rich family; powerful enough to have sent him to good schools.

4.Intelligent= Any guy shady or obtuse enough to half quote anything; or a genuinely intelligent guy.

5. Deep= A guy whose insecurities prevent him from being open (like all men) and whose coping mechanism is to be quiet. Hoping that asking no questions means you won’t be asked any.

6. Sexy= (shhh....be quiet! We all know they say they want the toned, ripped, six-pack mojo but) A guy who can get it up. Women like to be picky but in reality, they take what they get. Extra points if its visible that in her presence he kind of loses control of his appendage.


And so in the end 1,000 years of evolution and civil order have added nothing to us. Our women still want the boy whose father had more cows, who shrewdly conned the villagers out of their land or who has a reputation and many times , the new guy about whom no one knows a thing. And, if, like in those olden days, your rep won't let any girl in the village marry you, you go to the next village. Often this is explained away as "well, you might be related to everyone here" but really 'no girl in the village will marry your cheating, lying, two-bit, cheap-as-hell, wife-beating, ass'.


But the girl in the next village doesn't know that, so she will marry him.



Yeah we have grown tired of all the shenanigans that women put us through: the tears, the dough, the brain-cell-killing-crappy-music-playing-clubs, the friends[I mean do you have to be the hottest girl in your clique, always?], the forced abstinence. Its a challenge, the chase is good but frankly, after the Critical P***y Point (C.P.P.), we come to the realization that it all just tastes the same.


So we have evolved into an apathetic breed of men who just won't be bothered to hound out anything apart from football, status, money, the adoring look in the eyes of a woman who we know we do not deserve and will do nothing to keep, the promise of sex, and Prison Break {BTW dude, how do you pass up time with your girl to download PB? How?! *Slapping Dante and DK, who are strapped on chairs, repeatedly in righteous angst}


Till then.



PS: Do you know the reason why when you ask a Ugandan whether they eat matooke they just






Apparently Matooke has anti-depressants which kick in when the word "Matooke" is said. So they can't help it.


Explains all that Mzungu anger at the bland, pale looking plantain meal.