Facebook On My Kabiriti!

Only in Kampala, the city of cool, do these things happen.

BLOGVILLE BRACE YOURSELVES!!!

You can now update your facebook status from your mobile phone. Not your high end programmable phone with a camera and I don't know whatever; I mean a low down and dirty kabiriti that has fallen in the pit a couple of times!

Jon Gosier, a business entrepreneur extraordinaire founded Appfrica.org has been busy! And so today he went live with Status.ug developed by Mr. Felix Kitaka, a young brilliant incubator at Appfrica and student at Makerere University' Faculty of Computing & IT

"Appfrica.org facilitates, mentors and incubates entrepreneurs in software in East Africa and Uganda. It offers a physical space with a solid internet connection, servers, software and computers that allows students and recent graduates a place to develop their ideas in a constructive environment…"

Dig this, the place is complete with mentors!!

"… student projects are refined and prepped to help them secure funding and launch sustainable, profitable businesses. This project, loosely modeled after Paul Graham's Y Combinator, is better known as Appfrica Labs."

And I just lifted this off their site because its not so easy to paraphrase what they were saying.

"Appfrica Labs is a for-profit incubator and software development firm currently based out of Kampala, Uganda. The mission is to offer opportunities and work experience for East African software entrepreneurs so that they can then use their talents to bolster the growing local markets by offering products and services. Appfrica picks up where East African colleges leave off by offering hands-on experience in programming languages like Java, C++, C#,…."

You should check them out. And my life will never be the same again. Ever!

Oh I had forgotten you wanna register, right?

Ok you have to sign up at:

apps.facebook.com/status_ugtek

… Till then …

KILL SPARTAKUSS II

KILL BILL

KILL SPARTAKUSS II

Revenge Of The Mrs.

I love hair and I adore women with great hair because it allows me near their necks. Allows me to breathe them in, kiss them tenderly; to run my tongue ever so lightly along the nape of their neck and watch them purr, shiver and shudder. At some point in my life I ran a women's hair salon and I did learn pretty much everything about women's hair. I could do everything right through from washing to setting, and styling. Out of courtesy and as matter of private appeal I never did the "retouch". As the only guy in a salon in our little trading centre of Seguku, I was the main attraction. But it was, against what I believed to go into my customers' private business which is what retouching women's hair is all about.


You can tell an awful lot by what hides in there; the night she slept without bed sheets and her amour cajoled her into love play, there's sponge layers for that; the night she frolicked in the sand on the beach left seaweed or sand, [not to be confused with the building sand pile up from the roof; different textures, coarseness and weight] and more recently her experimenting with hair products melted all the above into an impenetrable maze, even fleas and lice cant get it, but neither can the dandruff get out.


The only thing I love more than hair is making love to beautiful 'IT'. 'IT' = Hair.

The most amazing feeling of all is when you run your hand through her hair; or for our kinky-haired sisters, when your hand passes on top of her hair. What? No, it can't pass. It won't go through unless your fingers are as straight as rods. Say what? Yes finger hardening is what I said. That is what you have to go through. For emphasis, the first statement of this paragraph was referring to women of a non-African extraction. Now that that's cleared…

But I digress, so before the Mrs. {I am kicking the bitch out} went on rampage and decided to infect me with something from South America, I must, in fairness say, I triggered it off.


You know those moments when you are so heated in passion. I hadn't seen her in a few days, had texted back and forth furiously, and had promised each other long passionate kisses and yes, a firm "chao." In the goings and comings of life, as in all sad movies, we kept missing each other; by minutes, by hours and then by days. To put an end to this drama I decided I was going over to hers. Just to see her. Like a man should.


The drama begins.


She was in the house when I got there, and immediately hot things were afoot. Kissing passionately, rubbing and grinding, her nearly ripping my buttons off (No, unlike you guys, I like my buttons on my shirt, where they came on) and me quickly and blindly untying the wrapper around her body. No underwear. Yay!

So we twist and turn and play cat and mouse until finally we are both exhausted and we settle in our mutual favorite position. Me in my socks, kneeling behind, she up against the wall with legs slightly apart. At first it was a slow motion; tender, loving, spice and everything nice. As the Mrs. got closer to nirvana she bent more and more towards the wall. Basically to allow for deeper reach.

In my excitement I grabbed onto the only thing I could find/ hold onto coz if you have been back there, fact is your stomach has to do a lot of work to keep your torso from keeling over; and my abs are not what they used to be.

So I reached, and I grabbed. I tugged to make sure it was firm, and it felt fine. Her head bucked and her back arched, in my view, in pleasure.


It snapped.


I froze. The moans went dead silent in her throat. I know a Ferrari can accelerate from 0-100 Km/ph in under 10 seconds but there should be a measure for the fastest erection decelerator. Seriously!


Horror.


Am kneeling behind her in my socks, with her weave in my hand and my mouth open, so open it's falling by gravity. Am in shock! I didn't know she had extensions!!!


Shock.


She turns and looks at me slowly. Takes me all in and, with a sigh of amalgamated despair and disgust, slumps onto the bed.


Frozen


is what I am. Kneeling there, knowing nothing, my arm slowly falling to my side, fist tightly clenching "the IT"



Now you know how you hear of old tales of revenge and fury. I now know where deep-rooted feuding comes from. It's from moments like these. Out of fear I feel my anus release a little 'doti'; the little one that's like a far away steam engine whistle. I am about to faint….

……

But in my defense she told me she never wore make up and there was nothing unnatural about her body. She never oils, or cleanses or does any of that "girly shit," she said to me. She can't lie to me and get away with it. Not me!

Infected for Revenge

My girlfriend has infected me with Omusujja Gwe'Mbizzi (Swine Flu)! I am totally going to get her back I mean seriously nobody gives me shit and gets away with it.

Ok yes, I went shopping and I bought a girlfriend. Get over it. So when I visited last weekend, the future Mrs. Spartakuss [such a long name] said "Honey you got no clothes. Do you wanna wear this shirt?" whence she pulled out a tight bright T-shirt.

I pause and look at her, "are you serious?"

"Yes" the big doe eyes widen and she looks up into my eyes.

"Why?"

"Coz it looks nice on your frame babe,"

The narrow slits that are my eyes thin a little more. I have never worn the darn thing, how would she know I look good in it? How?

Anyway I'm not a vindictive bastard so I make to wear it. But as I pull it over my head my eye catches something. I take it off and take a closer look. It has a little brown thing that looks like a little gob. Like someone snooted in the damn thing! I don't bring it up coz I am thinking she did it and doesn't remember.

So anyway two days later i.e. Tuesday morning I wake up to an unfamiliar feeling in my nostrils. They feel clogged. I try my breathe-in-all-the-air-in-your-space technique which normally scares anyone in bed with me. But I cant and nearly die halfway. I have a freaking cold!

I get up, dress, and as I go through the motions I am trying to find the culprit. I am running a background search of all my databases. Bloody long weekend!

Remember I have a girlfriend, so am not straying.

Then as I walked into the office it struck me, that snoot on the shirt.

She had made me wear a shirt SOOO...! infested with Swine Flu germs that they were able to infect me even when it was dry and pressed!

Bitch wants me dead….

HONEST, HONEST SCRAPS.

I was tagged by this here woman Sybella and so when it all came down tothe matter I remembered beeeme had tagged me too but I have been negligent about responding to people's needs. But here goes:

1. 
   
   I believe the Baganda tribe has the greatest legacy of all the peoples of this country. We [us, non kingdom people] will never see, or know, the glory and the true heritage of having a kingdom dynasty almost 4 centuries old. Or being part of something large, powerful and disorganized.
   
   
   
2. 
   
   My most embarrassing moment in my life was during my Senior Four Physics Final Practical Exam. The exam required to measuring sand and finding a balance. Being the best in my class made me panic; and I wet my shorts. Right there. They brought me a basin to stand in for the rest of the exam so the pool wouldn't spread. That shit messed with my head.
   
   
   
3. 
   
   I don't talk to or entertain relationships with virgins. Some people think its harsh, I think of it a safeguard against something I will tell you later.
   
   
   
4. 
   
   I don't E.V.E.R. let people touch my head or my face. I wear glasses and y'all know how that gets. Unless we are intimate and even they cant touch my head.
   
   
   
5. 
   
   I hate football.
   
   
   
6. 
   
   The third initial in my tattoo stands for the name of a guy who saved my life - Thrice! When he saved me the last time, I took his name so I would always remember.
   
   
   
7. 
   
   I secretly believe my calling is to be a preacher because I'm a gifted speaker but, like Jonah, I am running away from it consciously. We'll talk when he has a better deal!
   
   
   
8. 
   
   I find that I can't relate/stand people who can but are too lazy to speak English properly. I begin to secretly resent their laziness, and then eventually cut them out of my company and my life. Damn bad influences!
   
   
   
9. 
   
   When I date a woman I fully submit myself to her will, thinking nothing else. When I leave I never look back. My form idea of immortality does not entail salt pillars.
   
   
   
10. 
    
    I am a terrific cook and I relate to people a lot depending on how well I perceive they can cook, or appreciate good food.
    
    
    
11. 
    
    I love eating- the smells, the aromas, the sound of sizzling butter on the pan, shiny knives in a cabinet, bright silver pans, polished cutlery, and the scent of 6, 7, 8, or 15 different food types served out.
    
    
    I would like to tag Mjay, Valentia and the Rogue King.