My girlfriend has infected me with Omusujja Gwe'Mbizzi (Swine Flu)! I am totally going to get her back I mean seriously nobody gives me shit and gets away with it.
Ok yes, I went shopping and I bought a girlfriend. Get over it. So when I visited last weekend, the future Mrs. Spartakuss [such a long name] said "Honey you got no clothes. Do you wanna wear this shirt?" whence she pulled out a tight bright T-shirt.
I pause and look at her, "are you serious?"
"Yes" the big doe eyes widen and she looks up into my eyes.
"Coz it looks nice on your frame babe,"
The narrow slits that are my eyes thin a little more. I have never worn the darn thing, how would she know I look good in it? How?
Anyway I'm not a vindictive bastard so I make to wear it. But as I pull it over my head my eye catches something. I take it off and take a closer look. It has a little brown thing that looks like a little gob. Like someone snooted in the damn thing! I don't bring it up coz I am thinking she did it and doesn't remember.
So anyway two days later i.e. Tuesday morning I wake up to an unfamiliar feeling in my nostrils. They feel clogged. I try my breathe-in-all-the-air-in-your-space technique which normally scares anyone in bed with me. But I cant and nearly die halfway. I have a freaking cold!
I get up, dress, and as I go through the motions I am trying to find the culprit. I am running a background search of all my databases. Bloody long weekend!
Remember I have a girlfriend, so am not straying.
Then as I walked into the office it struck me, that snoot on the shirt.
She had made me wear a shirt SOOO...! infested with Swine Flu germs that they were able to infect me even when it was dry and pressed!
Bitch wants me dead….